Guest post by Rayne Hall
Things will go wrong—that's normal.
Anticipate this, and the obstacles won't have the power to shake you.
Imagine a martial artist whose goal
is to win the regional karate championships. He's skilled, he trains, he has
the right attitude. Will his path be obstacle-free? No! Every competitor in the
contest will do the utmost to beat him to the win. Those he meets in a match
will beat him up with ferocity. Only a
fool would expect the other contestants to surrender so he can win.
On top of that, life is going to
add further hindrances. His regular trainer isn't available in the run-up to
the event. On the big day, he wakes with a headache pounding his skull. Bad
news about his father's health and worries the rent sap his mental focus. When
it's time to drive to the venue, his car won't start.
These obstacles could be reasons to
give up a goal—and many people do. Not you.
Mentally prepare yourself for
obstacles on your way. Then, when you encounter one, you can say, "Ah, the
first obstacle. What shall I do about it?"
Instead of viewing obstacles as
reasons to give up, view them as tests. A higher power (God, fate, the creative
force of the universe) has put them in your path to determine if you're worthy
of success. Welcome them, solve them, and move on.
This approach of interpreting
something in a different way is called 'reframing' and it's what keeps the
tough going when the going gets tough.
Here's a more advanced reframing
technique, one that will do wonders for your mental strength and propel you
towards success:
View every problem as an
opportunity. This needs some thought, but gives huge rewards.
Let's say you've been made
redundant. The job you loved, the hopes you invested in this company, the
income you depended on are all gone.
It will takes mental strength to
reframe this loss as something positive. Try it! You will feel better, and
you'll emerge from this situation not as a loser but as a winner.
What opportunities are hidden in
this bad situation? Make a list, and be creative about it, including small and
practical ideas as well as drastic and daring possibilities. Start with "I
can" or if it feels more comfortable to you, "I could..."
In the case of the person who lost
their job, the opportunities list could look like this:
- I can spend more time at home
with my children until I get another job.
- I can carry out the repairs
around the house my wife has been asking me for.
- I can finally finish the novel
I've been working on for the past ten years.
- I can look for a better-paid job.
- I can explore a different career
direction.
- I can take the plunge and become
a self-employed entrepreneur, something I've long wanted to do but didn't
because I lacked the courage to leave my job.
- I can fulfil my dream to live and
work abroad.
Here's a third reframing technique
for when things go wrong: You never fail—instead, you learn valuable lessons
that will help you towards success.
Here are some examples.
"I failed."
"I haven't succeeded
yet."
"I'm a failure."
"I'm still working on my
success."
"I screwed this up."
"I've learnt a valuable lesson
how not to do this."
"I'm wasn't good enough for
this assignment."
"Now I know what skills I need
for this type of assignment."
"I'm an idiot. I let those
people scam me."
"I'm smart. I've learnt how
scammers operate. In future, I'll see through this kind of trick."
"I've lost everything."
"I'm ready to start again from
zero."
Action Point
Think of your current goal—
something set out to achieve today, or your New Year's resolution, or perhaps
the lifetime ambition you're working towards. What obstacles have you
encountered so far? Writing them down as a list, with the heading 'Obstacles To
Overcome' will help you see them for what they are, and empower you to feel in
control.
Progress Assignment
Has something bad happened to you
recently, a shock you're still still reeling from?
Write a list of at least ten
opportunities that might arise from this blow. Be aware that you may encounter
mental resistance, that inner voice telling you that what happened is so bad
nothing good can come out of it. This is a test for your mental strength. Can
you do it? If yes, you'll emerge from this assignment much, much stronger.
Strategy
Whenever you encounter obstacles
and setbacks, reframe them. View problems as opportunities, failures as
successes yet to come, and mistakes as valuable lessons learnt.
With practice, you will become good
at this, and it will give you the kind of mental strength that helps you win
through when the going gets tough.
Comments, Experiences, Questions?
Do you have example of how you
reframed a problem as an opportunity? Would you like to share a tip how to
develop grit? Share them in the comments section.
ABOUT RAYNE HALL
Rayne
Hall has published more than fifty books in several languages under several pen
names with several publishers in several genres, mostly fantasy, horror and
non-fiction. Recent books include Storm Dancer (dark epic
fantasy novel), 13 British Horror Stories, Six Scary Tales Vol. 1, 2,
3, 4, 5(creepy horror stories), Thirty Scary Tales, Six
Historical Tales Vol. 1 and 2 (short
stories), Six Quirky Tales (humorous fantasy stories), The
Colour of Dishonour: Stories from the Storm Dancer World, Writing Fight Scenes,
The World-Loss Diet, Writing About Villains, Writing About Magic, Writing Dark
Stories, and Writing Scary Scenes (practical guides
for authors).
