Usually, you don’t wake up.
Sometimes if I’m careless, sometimes if I let my imagination run away
from me, you’ll cough, you’ll choke wide awake, and the familiar surroundings
of your bedroom squeeze in. Moonlight, pathetic. Heart, hammering. Eyes wide
but shadows hang heavy, cloying. There is only darkness around you.
And me. I’m there, I’m in your mouth, clinging to a molar or leaning
against a tonsil as I whisper bad dreams into your sleeping mind. Or at least I
was… Now you’re awake, I’ll slide off your tongue and clamber over your teeth.
Before I leave and blend with the shadows, I’ll rub my wings against your gums;
a minor infection so they bleed when it comes to your morning toothbrush ritual.
You interrupted me, I’m pissed off, of course I’d do that. In fact, sometimes
I’ll do it anyway.
Now you’re awake, you cannot sleep and so remain staring at the digits
of a bedside clock as you count every negative aspect of your life, you’ll
dwell on anything and everything you hate about yourself and everyone else.
Your life tumbles through your head in a miasma of pessimistic, defeatist
gloom.
I am the Xenonog. I exist only for your troubling dreams. I’m not
talking about nightmares; that’s cliché, that’s Hollywood bullshit. I’m talking
about those dreams that stain your waking mind throughout the following day. Subtle
strands of hopelessness, thoughts you cannot put your finger on. Yes, that’s
your human saying. The other ridiculous saying of yours is when someone “Gets
up on the wrong side of the bed”. Everything you say is shit, and that’s what
I’m for. I put the shit into your day.
How else do you think your mind works? It’s nothing to do with you. Don’t
flatter yourself you egotistical twat. It’s me. All me.
While you sleep, I ooze between your teeth. My body like liquid, bitter
on your tongue. And yes, that’s why your breath stinks in the morning.
Remember…
Usually, you don’t wake up.
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