Thursday, 5 September 2013

How To Get Rid Of Wasps

This post has nothing to do with my novel, The Shadow Fabric, but you're here to learn how to deal with those annoying wasps, right?

Wasps. Yeah, they annoy us all. Something we cannot deny. Bees are cool, they won't sting unless we upset them - even then, for them, it's self-defense and suicide. Wasps, however, are evil; God's own winged demons put on Earth for one purpose only: to buzz around our heads and then sting the shit out of us.

Wave your hands around and they'll become agitated and probably sting you anyway. Also, quite possibly, they may just go and get their friends, and they'll all come and sting you!

There is a simple fix, and it works. I have no idea how, but it does. Honestly.

So, how do you get rid of wasps?

When they're near you, click your fingers repeatedly. It messes with their radar or something, and they'll bugger off. It works, I promise... Not only that, but you'll look as though you're jiving to a beat only you can hear.

It is as simple as that.

Wasp Facts

Did you know?

  • There are over 100,000 species of wasp.
  • They are parasitic, and technically known as parasitoids.
  • There's no breastfeeding in the wasp world, they feed their young meat, which is actually insect larvae.
  • The only wasps that survive the winter are young fertilised queens. They emerge in the spring and build new nests. She can lay up to a dozen eggs, and when they hatch into larvae she'll feed them until they mature into workers. The workers would then forage for food, feed the new larvae, and defend the nest (no weapons involved).
  • A male wasp is called a "drone". The job of the drone is to mate with the queen, after which the guy dies with a smile on his face.
  • An ordinary sting can be treated with deodorant... I once tried ketchup to ease the irritation, thinking perhaps the vinegar content would help, but it only encouraged others to join the stinging fun. Deodorant is better than ketchup because it contains aluminium.
  • The venom in a wasp's sting contains a pheromone that causes other wasps to become more aggressive. Try not to swat one near its nest or other wasps - that's why their mates come along and get in on the action!
  • Despite popular belief, wasps do not swarm - they gang up on us.
  • The irritation of a wasp's sting should wear off within 24 hours, but for a minority of people the venom causes anaphylactic shock. This can be fatal.
  • Wasps live in colonies, which are in fact self-contained communities, consisting of a caste order of queens, males and workers, respectively.
  • In late summer, the colony produces males and new queens. They fly away to mate, and the queens then find a place to hibernate. The cold weather eventually kills the males. Hurray! Until next year...

Finally, one last fact: The various species of wasps fall into one of two main categories: solitary wasps and social wasps. Adult solitary wasps live and operate alone, and most do not construct nests, yet all are fertile. By contrast, social wasps live in colonies (numbering in excess of several thousand) and build nests, yet not all of the colony can reproduce. In some species, it's only the wasp queen and male wasps that can mate, whilst the majority of the colony consists of sterile female workers.

And remember, it's all about finger-clicking. Have fun!

Author photo (c)Christopher Shoebridge
Mark Cassell lives in a rural part of the UK with his wife and a number of animals. He often dreams of dystopian futures, peculiar creatures, and flitting shadows. Primarily a horror writer, his steampunk, fantasy, and SF stories have featured in several anthologies and ezines.

His debut novel, The Shadow Fabric, is a supernatural story and is available from Amazon.

Twitter: @Mark_Cassell Facebook: